The trial of AB- Part 1

[AB@Juventus]

This week we bring you a multi part docu-series about the biggest event of the summer:

The trial Juventus manager Andy Banks.

After being given unprecedented access to the pre & post trial action and, of course, the actual trial itself we are excited to bring you in ins and outs of this highly talked about event with no agendas and no information omitted.


This breath taking series is likely to have you on the edge of your seat until the very end as it tells the TRUE story of what happened during the trial of the Juventus head coach over the signing of 19 year old G_Moscardo……





In the wake of collusion gate, the trial of AB was set at Sheffield Crown Court.
All eyes were on this case and this court house as Banks vs The People was expected to be a mighty clash and once and for all get to the bottom of this situation.

Before the trial started, a large gathering of people were spotted just 50 yards away from the entrance to the court holding signs, flaming torches & sharpened pitch forks whilst chanting ‘We want AB out, say we want AB out!’
Some reports say that their chants could be heard so clearly due to their PSG merchandise megaphones.

It appeared that Banks would be up against a 7 headed monster in the form of Dobbing in Darren of Arsenal, Snitching Steve O of Manchester United , Crooked Kirby of Fiorentina, Slimey Simon of PSG, Sidekick Steve of Chelsea, Shady Sam of FC Barcelona and for some unknown reason, Garysean Wilson of Carpet Warehouse.

A number of those same 7 had tried to influence the Juventus board to replace Banks with Wilson just the week before.



Those same 7 managers came into the courtroom all huddled together, surrounded by solicitors with Garysean Wilson emerging as lead council for the group.
AB stood alone as he chose to represent himself against this mighty foe.

The trial would take place with a dual judge of Nick Lovell of Manchester City and John Read of Inter Milan.


And so the trial began with each of the 7 managers who opposed Banks pulling out tattered, much used copies of the FFO rule book, clutching them in their hands while AB calmly pulled out a fresh, almost unused copy of the FFO spot auction rules.

[AB@Juventus]

The trial of AB- Part 2


Up stepped the lead council for the group, Garysean Wilson.

With his opening, and only statement during the trial;

“I only do fast and easy deals…..just ask anyone”

After this, each other remaining 6 managers were interviewed by Lovell & Read where they were asked to present anything that they’d like the court to hear.



Up first was Steven Outten of Manchester United:

“I’m the auctioneer…ME! I know the rules inside and I know them outside. Back to front, left to right!
I know them! I’M THE AUCTIONEER!”

At this point Outten cracked open 2 cans of Stella and smashed them together, soaking many people around him, before guzzling them both at the same time.

The Manchester United manager was heard mumbling that he’s the auctioneer over and over until the trial was concluded.



Next in line was Fiorentina manager Neil Kirby who seemed to have tagged along on his high horse as he claimed that HE’D never do such a thing like this.

Kirby then addressed the whole courtroom when he asked if anyone was interested in a, quote;

“4 for 4 deal where you give me 4 players in exchange for 4 worse ones but my FW will have a higher TK stat so it’s fair?”



Third to be questioned was Shifty Sam of FC Barcelona.
Spilling the tea left, right and centre looking for the drama, but mainly there to do player swaps for FC Barcelona as he was seen moving around the seated area throughout the trial whispering in the ears of managers from the likes of Liverpool, SS Lazio, AS Roma & Atletico Madrid.



The court took a short bathroom break to that the Atletico Madrid manager, Simon Marsh could use the bathroom without missing anything.

[AB@Juventus]

The trial of AB- Part 3


After this short 30 minute break, it was the turn of the Arsenal manager Darren Humphries who claimed that AB had ‘Had a touch signing that player!’

Shortly after this remark, Humphries spotted a lone pigeon on the courthouse windowsill and seemed distracted for the next 10 minutes, answering all questions asked by Lovell & Read with the following sentence:

“Get that bird away from me!! Is it on me?! I feel like it’s on me!!”

Other than this, Humphries remained totally calm for 90% of the remainder of the trial but towards the end of the trial he had a sudden outburst, demanding answers and punishment for AB.




Up next was the duo of PSG’s manager Simon Clarke and Chelsea manager Steven Talbot.

Talbot stood behind Clarke throwing up gang signs while the PSG manager, trembling with fear/anger (It was hard to tell) was heard making suggestions of a huge points deduction of 12 points and a massive financial fine.


Talbot could be heard repeating everything that Clark said, at one point even finishing his sentences, all while reminding everyone that he won 6 EFL 1 league titles.

Clark had to quieten him down from time to time, reminding him that he’s no longer in the EFL 1league, which I’m sure he wishes he was due to the beating that the new Real Madrid manager Ian Greaves is handing to PSG in the league as Madrid hold a 12 point lead over the French club alongside their 3-2 victory over the former league winners earlier in the season.
(At the time of writing, 17 league games have been played)


Talbot told everyone about his 6 EFL 1 league titles once too often, with Clarke snapping at his sidekick as he could sense the verdict not going his way.



“You’re not at Real Madrid now, you’re at Chelsea! And you’ll win nothing there!!"

The Chelsea gaffer quickly reminded his running buddy that Chelsea currently sit 2 places higher in the Premier League than PSG do in EFL 1 and have gained 3 more points than the French outfit.
(At the time of writing, 17 league games have been played)

Clarke questioned Talbot:

“WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?!”

Talbot quietly reassured him that he’d not said anything before gifting Clarke a kiss on the cheek.




In the beginning of the trial, he could be heard muttering to himself:

“2 points dropped away to Monaco, 3 points dropped at HOME to Sevilla….”

After this Clark could just be heard shouting


“It’s collusion! It’s collusion, Fffffffffff….COLLUSION!!!!”



It’s said that the PSG manager had spent the 6 hours prior to the Banks trial inside the courtroom watching other court cases and once the verdict had been handed down he was said to have appealed to the judge, stating that had HE done such crimes, the punishment would have been twice as bad.

They court took a brief break so that staff could come into the courtroom and dry the floor from all of the tears from those 7 managers opposing AB.


No matter what questions the two judges asked that could potentially lead to Banks being proven innocent, the 7 managers just replied with a seemingly scripted response:


“That doesn’t agree with our agenda so collectively as a group, we’re going to ignore it”


During the trial, Banks continuously tried to present his own evidence to mount a defence however this wasn’t allowed and the 7 opposing managers were allowed one after one to present theirs.

[AB@Juventus]

The trial of AB- Part 4


All of the witnesses had been interviewed and judges Lovell & Read would now adjourn the case as it was dinner time.

This led to an argument on what the daily meals are, with the Northern managers calling it dinner while the Southern softies Kirby & Humphries alongside Garysean Wilson claimed that it’s lunch and that ‘dinner’ is something you have in an evening….Lovell & Read made their first ruling of the day as they announced to everyone that it IS in fact DINNER & TEA, and not LUNCH & DINNER.


The two judges then made their first mistake of the day, telling the 8 managers involved in the trial to go and get a nice chip barm……World war 3 broke out as Banks, Bradwell & Clarke all at once, in unison screamed:


“A what?! A chip barrrrm? It’s a chip butty!”


Darren Humphries perked up for the first time since spotting the rogue pigeon and laughed uncontrollably, claiming, in his best Yorkshire accent:


“Chip buttehhh?! Buttehh? It’s a chip roll where I’m from! And that’s all I’ll be asking for when we go to that slaaaaag at the chippy”


The likes of Steven Talbot & Steven Outten agreed with the two judges, obviously sucking up to get a positive verdict while Garysean piped up for just the 3rd time in the proceedings to state that;


“It’s actually piece an’ chips, trust me I know the history of this meal and it was first made in Scotland back in 1742.”


At least that’s what we think he said, his accent was growing stronger and stronger as each statement was issued.



Finally, Neil chimed in with using his best posh man accent to inform everyone;


“I believe it’s just a chip sandwich chaps.”



After dinner, the verdict was in, the decisions had been made without Banks being interviewed or being allowed to defend himself. He may as well have stayed at home.
Lovell & Read took their seats as did everyone else and as the verdict was about to be
announced, the pair said:

“After careful consideration, it is the judgement of this court that Juventus manager Andy Banks is to be found……”

[AB@Juventus]

The trial of AB- Part 5

A long pause to build suspense…..the pair looked at each other in order to be able to make the announcement together, but just then a strange thing happened.


Their mouths formed a shape that would suggest they were about to say the word ‘Not’, as in NOT GUILTY.
At this point Clarke, Humphries, Outten, Talbot, Wilson, Kirby and Bradwell all together started to jump up and down and scream that it wasn’t fair.
A few other managers who had tagged along into the courtroom join in with this.


Their disgust on this apparent unfair ruling, even before a ruling had been given was clear to see.
It was at this point that we heard the words;

‘Silence in my courtroom!’

It was a higher power, FFO head admin, and FC Bayern Munich manager, Jon Banks.

He stood on a motorised platform which took him from the back of the room up to where Lovell & Read were sitting and announced that he had seen the original verdict that the pair were about to hand down to the room and he wasn’t happy with that.

Banks felt that his brother wasn’t being punished enough and was getting away with some wrong doing and in order to restore balance to the force, he would have to make an example out of the Juventus manager.


Banks addressed his younger brother for the first and only time:

“I have taken into account your character testimony, your undercover work in Vietnam and your glittering boxing career…but for the allegation of conspiracy to commit collusion, it is the judgement of this court that you are guilty and therefore will lose all rights to G_Moscardo and the ability to take part in any future spot auctions this season”


The room fell deadly silent, and all that could be heard was the 7 managers who opposed Banks high fiving each other one by one in the stands.


After a few seconds of silence, Banks Jr responded to the verdict:



“WHAT?! No, no, no you can’t do that, you can’t do that your majesty! You can’t take Moscardo off me, I’m nothing without my players!

Don’t do that. Tell him!…Get him…”

Banks tried to appeal the decision but it was shouted down by the opposing managers who by now had pulled out some sparkling water to celebrate.

[AB@Juventus]

The trial of AB- Part 6

As Juventus manager Andy Banks was led out of the courtroom in handcuffs with a blanket over his head, one must wonder why the decision to punish Banks was made.

Despite the 7 opposing managers not being able to provide ANY evidence of any rule breaking or wrong doing according to the law/rules.
Banks was seemingly pushed under the bus by the FFO FA after mounting pressure from the usual suspects.




While Banks wasn’t allowed to mount a defence and provide evidence, our news team have managed to gain a copy of this evidence.

Below is a list of spot auction rules, announced at the start of August:



‘Here we go!!

Rules
1. Can only be leading on 1 player at a time
2. Bids must go up by at least 1mil per time
3. Bids are binding (no deleting)
4. The finance snapshot below must be adhered to even if the bidding goes beyond Saturdays finance update
5. Should you spend the money in the normal transfer window that you had used to bid... your bid is void. No debt allowed
6. Winning bids are bids that are not beating in 24 hours
7. Minimum bid is 25mil
8. Players can be sold once they have been in your roster for 1 full week
9. Players come with 50% of their minutes for the first 3 spot auctions, 75% for auctions 4-7 and 100%there after

Good luck’


There is nothing in the rules that forbids managers discussing their bids or intentions, so why was Banks punished for this?

In addition to this, rule number 2 states that to outbid the current highest bidder, you must bid at least £1,000,000 more than that bid, so why when Banks & Juventus outbid Simon Clarke’s PSG bid by £3,699,999 did Banks and Juventus get told this wasn’t allowed? And we’re to have their bid rounded DOWN by £699,999 in order to allow FFO FA favourites PSG to bid 1 final time.

It seems like either AB has the wrong set of rules to hand, or depending on who you are and how many feathers you’ve ruffled, you can do and say what you like.

As the document in question was handed to our research expert, the 7 managers (Clarke, Talbot, Outten, Kirby, Bradwell, Humphries & Wilson) all looked very concerned and some reports are coming in that all 7 gulped at the same time.


This new 7 man alliance seems to be a too powerful for any 1 man to stop, even the men at the top (Lovell, Read & Banks Snr) couldn’t stop the public hanging of AB as yet again, the NWO of FFO has gotten their way but as many will recall, back when NWO took over WCW in the mid-late 1990’s, as it grew bigger and bigger it threatened to take over and destroy the company as many joined out of fear.



‘If you don’t want to get attacked by the NWO, you JOIN the NWO'

[AB@Juventus]

The trial of AB- Part 7


AB is expected to launch a counter suit against the people involved in the trail, stating unfair treatment, targeted justice and the failure to acknowledge the rules that WERE published and the ones that WEREN’T but were upheld anyway.


Finally an accusation from Banks’ team came out that 2 of the 7 managers that opposed him during the trial, had in fact colluded between themselves in order to increase the price of G_Moscardo.


As AB was being led away outside of the courthouse and into a blacked out car, the 7 victorious managers who stood up against him were seen stood in a circle, jumping up and and chanting

‘Ole, ole, ole, ole….ole, ole!’

This is believed to be the groups only way to celebrate this season after a poor start to the season from all involved.

Shortly after this, Steve Talbot, Sam Bradwell, Simon Clarke, Garysean Wilson & Neil Kirby were witnessed lofting Steve Outten & Darren Humphries into the air, shouting ‘Hurray!’ towards the two whistleblowers.


As the group finally started to leave, the exited via a PSG sponsored mini bus.
Not even 10 seconds had passed before Simon Clarke, who had bowed his head for a brief period, shot back up and exclaimed:


‘He didn’t even want him!!’


The other 6 looked at each other for a few seconds, exited the mini bus, before all nodding in a synchronized manner and repeating what Clark had said.


“Yes! He didn’t want him!” - Said Bradwell


“He got run the f**k up and now he got his big brother to defend him again!” -Screamed Humphries“



I do quick and easy deals, just ask anyone” - Insisted Wilson



“He’ll be saving his money for the pre season auction! This isn’t fair!” -Cried Clarke, as his eyes flooded with tears for the 4th time in the day


“He should have been fined £50,000,000 on top of this punishment I say! Either that or been made to pay double! We don’t know which one would punish him the most….” -Yelled Talbot



Crooked Kirby had wondered off at this point after stealing Outten & Humphries’ wallets during the lofting celebrations while Steven Outten of Manchester United stood alone at the top of the steps.

Pulled out two fresh cans of Steveweister, cracked them open one at a time before once again smashing the cans together and swilling them down his gullet.





After a long session in the courtroom, there are still several questions to be answered;

What will come of Banks’ counter suit?


Why are only SOME rules enforced and others disregarded?



When the dust is settled, who’ll have the last laugh.
AB or THE ALLIANCE?



DID Banks really want Moscardo?



DID Banks really lose out by not being allowed to sign the 19 year old?



Or did Juventus just manage to conserve their funds, ready for the next superstar that comes his way?





Only time will tell.