Hopton vs Harris- A fight for 10th

[AB@Juventus]

With Season 3 just weeks away and the management merry-go-round un full swing, all eyes were on the vacant AC Milan position after long time manager Matias Finkelstein departed the club after over 10 seasons in charge of the Italian club.

What came after was the usual application process where managers from other clubs applied for the vacant position before a select few at the club made the decision on who would lead the club into it's next era.

The usual things happened, Jason Fortune, of then Lyon, applied for the job, someone applied only to rescind the application just hours later and there was much debate about the man who was eventually chosen to take over from Finkelstein.

When it boiled down to it, it was between Jason Hopton of Bayer Leverkusen and Anthony Harris of Barnsley.



Hopton of Leverkusen (Previously Wolfsburg) had been with the club for many seasons, taking them out of EFL 2 via the play offs and into EFL 1 where they'd gone up and down the table, missing out on European football just 2 seasons ago before bouncing back with a 16th placed finish in Season 1.

Season 2 however would be Hopton's last in Leverkusen as he made a statement early on in the campaign that he'd be looking to move on from the club claiming that he'd 'taken the club as far as he could'

What happened after this statement was that the club's form picked up from there, with the club reaching the semi finals of the EFL Cup before being knocked out by Sporting Lisbon. Leverkusen also managed a 10th placed finish, a huge improvement for the club and one that made heads turn.




This leads us onto the other candidate for the position, Anthony Harris.
Harris had spent time with Premier League team Barnsley, but also Conference team Eintracht Frankfurt. Hopping from one club to the other without really committing to one until Frankfurt's season had gone well and truly belly up. Then, the Barnsley job was the one.

Harris led the Tykes to the DBC Cup final, where they'd eventually lose to holder Celtic, but it wasn't just in the cups where Barnsley performed.
They finished 13th in the Premier League after finishing 19th the season before.



With the club clearly heading in the right direction it had to be hard for both clubs for their managers to be looking for work elsewhere, but there could be only 1 man to take over in Milan and after much thought and consideration, Jason Hopton was the man chosen and signed a 5 year contract with the Italian giants.



What came after this was truly laughable, with Harris following in Hopton's footsteps in slating the decision for the new manager (Much like Hopton did when Simon Marsh was appointed the Atletico Madrid manager over him a few seasons ago) and then going one step further than Hopton and resigning from his position at Barnsley.

Harris went on to make claims that he was the best man for the job, he was manager of the year for what he'd done with Barnsley and finally 'You'll never find anyone who will do better with Barnsley than me!'

After a period of self reflection, Harris calmed down and was later appointed the new manager of Sporting Lisbon after manager Gary Windebank left the club to manage his local team Millwall. Sources say that Windebank wanted to be closer to his favourite sandwich shop and this is the reason for the switch.



With AC Milan and Sporting Lisbon both outside of the Champions League places looking in, they'll both be hoping to push on and break back into that top 8 but each face their own set of challenges and could well be fighting for 10th behind that top 8 and Lazio.

AC Milan lack player depth and versitility, with their key players either too old, or far too good for the club while the rest of the squad is poor.

Sporting Lisbon have tired legs as their squad is on the older side.

Both clubs and managers have what it takes to turn things around, but will they?

[Guest]

Harris responds by claiming “it is a decent article, with elements of truth, including the quip about no one performing as well as him at Barnsley. However, there is one slightly concerning feature to the theme of this news report, that we are aiming for 10th? We want 8th!”

[JB@Norwich]

Just so you know, there are 2 better Barnsley managers, from Barnsley in FFO right now

Doesn’t count when FFO resets every 4 seasons. Which one of them took Barnsley to bottom half of the championship? If they were any good Barnsley would be a prem mainstay. So jog on!

[JB@Norwich]

Neither of us. Marcus twice took them from Champ to top half of prem, I took them from bottom of L1 to Prem as caretaker

How does FFO reset every 4 seasons? 29 seasons before first ever reset lol

Can you let us get back to character now?

[JasonH@Wolfsburg]

Meanwhile, on a beach far away, on a tropical island, surrounded by scantily clad women and perfect blue seas, Jason Hopton had remained blissfully unaware of the debate taking place between Andy "Bonker" Banks and Anthony "Didgeridoo" Harris.

A smartly dressed PR attendant approaches Jason with a formal briefcase, similar to that of the King, which he opens daily basis. (information only known thanks to star Netflix show, The Crown. This article is sponsored by Netflix).

Hopton: "What do you have for me today minion?"

Minion: "Gary Wilson is talking about how Inter are the best team in Spain and AB and Harris are arguing over who will finish higher, AC or Lisbon."

Hopton: "What the hell have us or Lisbon got to do with AB, he can go mind his own bloody business. Right, get me in front of a camera!"

5 hours later....

Hopton arrives at the press room on the small island of Bora Bora, slightly more tanned and relaxed than earlier from his time in the "pamper" room.

Hopton: "Having spent the last few hours catching up on the goings on back in Europe, I would like to make a few statements about AC Milan and our goals for the season. First of all, we will finish in the champions league places. Inter, Barcelona, Bayern, Real Madrid, we are coming for you. These are the four teams I have highlighted as the weakest out of the elite eight, with Atletico Madrid, Roma, Juventus and PSV head and shoulders above the rest. So to rename them, the fab four and the flabby four. We are coming for you in the flabby four.

As for Lisbon, look, that Dingo did okay at Barnsley in what is well known as the Zombie league of FFO, there are only three or four managers who actually turn up to watch their sides week in week out, the rest of them just lay on sun loungers and send their assistants in their place. So to achieve the finish he did is equivalent to me rocking up at a boomerang contest with a dildo. You won't win the competition but you'll certainly get laid.

Now, onto Andy, where did Juventus finish? fourth place? Maybe even third? Why are you so interested in two clubs that are not in competition with you. Focus on winning that league, not on who is battling for eighth, or tenth as you called it. Prove that you can win a decent competition and not the DPT which Juventus never should have been involved in.

Oh, and finally, a shout out to Hamza, who claims he will romp his way to the DPT without breaking sweat. You've got another thing coming. Same with Dingo, you may do well in a zombie league, but when you face the big boys across to pond you consistently fail. This season will be no different.

The DPT is Milan's trophy and we will not settle for anything less than champions league and a european trophy. This is where we begin, but certainly not where we finish.

Milan will once again be a superpower in this league and the best team in Italy, not just Milan."

With that, Hopton pulled out his vegan pina colada, jumped in a hammock and continued his long break. He considered for a second whether he could get away with managing from Bora Bora and send his assistant to the games. Then he realised he was still in the EFL and not some zombie manager consistently finishing in the top 10 of England.

[Guest]

When inter Milan boss Wilson was notified of the bizarre remarks from new Ac Milan manager Ralph Hopton he had quite a short message for his stadium sharing counterpart.

” We haven’t even engaged with Ralph and yet here he is not only mentioning us but on holiday weeks before the new season starts enjoying a cocktail of glue, not really a manager you can consider serious about his job, the Milan fans and board must be wondering what they have done, you have one simpleton on holiday while Anthony Harris is working so hard in preparing that Sporting team for the new season, we don’t have much to say Ac Milan are an embarrassment of a club these days with an embarrassment and amateur for a manager we look forward to the 6 easy points, a weakened Milan both in manager ability and squad quality”

[JasonH@Wolfsburg]

Recent news has circulated that Anthony "Didgeridoo" Harris has left Lisbon before the season had even started. After prior comments from AC Milan manager Jason Hopton, we decided to seek some further information, this time finding him on the training ground rather than some far away remote island.

Hopton: "I am utterly disappointed that Harris has left Lisbon, this seemed to be the start of a great rivalry, two managers hungry to do well and prove themselves. As it turns out, Harris could not handle the more superior half of FFO. He realised the managers in the EFL had more guts and glory about them than his Prem chums.

I guess this means I win the battle for 10th?"

Reporter: "Well, you need to actually finish 10th to win the battle."

Hopton: "Look around. Outside the top 8 of EFL there are a bunch of nobodies. Celtic have a manager who has forgotten that he needs a Defence. Bayern seem to think you can win matches playing 12 year olds and the rest of them, well, I can barely name them. Who is there now to challenge me? I'll be disappointed if I only get 10th, that last champions league spot is my target and I don't know who the next up and coming team will be, but it certainly won't be Harris at Lisbon."

Claims show that Harris has decided to the A-League in his native Australia, no one likes football in that country so it is easy to be a success. The challenge of FFO is too much and Harris will not be missed. Forever known as the man who achieved nothing.

[Sam@Bilbao]

[JasonH@Wolfsburg]

HARRIS WHO?????

Was the banner draped from the north stand of the San Siro, AC Milan are one of only three teams sat on maximum points, one other being Harris’ former team, Sporting Lisbon. They clearly had Lady Luck looking on them when Harris bailed for Australia and in came Hollis, who has worked wonders over the former team of Gary Whingebank.

But, despite the great start, Hopton is trying to not get too far ahead of himself:

Hopton: “we have rode our luck at times and relied on Ter Stegen far more than I would like to admit, but we are playing good football and need to convert some more chances into goals. Overall though, very happy. Our opening fixtures have shined kindly on us which has given us confidence.”

Reporter: “Your former team, Leverkusen, are struggling and have just sold star striker Jimenez. Do you have any regrets leaving, following the great job you had achieved in consecutive DPT qualifications”

Hopton: “Leverkusen are in a transition under Spero, and I’m sure, given them, he will have them firing on all cylinders, but unfortunately when a new manager comes in, they have to shape the team to fit their style of play. Luckily for me, AC was built in my image, a brick wall with some quality up top.

However, we are also in transition.

I can’t see us sustaining this pace all season but it forms the bedrock for future seasons, this is a warning to the likes of PSG, Roma and Madrid. This season is too early for us, but next season and those afterwards we will only get stronger and we are coming for you!”